


For I Have Sinned

by Ryukin



Category: Heroes (TV)
Genre: Confessional, M/M, Monologue, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 12:22:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18194540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryukin/pseuds/Ryukin
Summary: A life of sins, confessed.





	For I Have Sinned

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. 

  


It has been … a long time since I last confessed. A lifetime. 

  


I'm not the same person I once was. I have been baptized in blood and reawakened. I can no longer carry the weight of the angel's name given to me. 

  


I have become  _ more _ . 

  


But enough. I am not here for that. I am here to cleanse my soul. 

  


So, how does this work? Do I make you a timeline, or do I list transgressions in order to the worst? Start with jaywalking, leave the cardinal sins for the climax? 

  


Hmmm. I guess nothing is that easy, is it? I guess I'll just talk, then. 

  


I hope you have a while. 

  


Oh, Father, I have  _ sinned _ . 

  


The blood staining my hands isn't metaphorical, see. It is red and wet and warm. It was weak. They were weak. 

  


I was weak, once. But with bloodstained hands, I picked myself up. My mother's blood. Her death was unintended, but it was on me. The ultimate disgrace, matricide. But with her blood spilled, I was born anew. 

  


I think I could have stopped, then. I could have let guilt bury me six under. 

  


But I still  _ needed.  _ So I took. I hunted. I stalked. I killed. I killed. I killed. And on the seventh day, I killed again. I have lied. I take the Lord's name, in tones of anger, of frustration, of lust. A swear, a prayer, a damnation. I use it with great versatility. 

  


But I guess if I had a defining sin, it would be greed. I can't stand to see people squandering what they have, not when I can utilize their gifts so much better. 

  


I've taken many things. Many, many … And I have  _ used.  _

  


I have coveted, not my neighbour's wife. No, not the wife. I have craved, hungered, so strong it has overpowered me. I have coveted, and I have  _ taken.  _

  


I have lain with man as man with woman. I have laid bare the skin I so craved, I have stolen wordless cries from lips that taunt me. 

  


Taunt and tease, he has always …

  


I shouldn't tell you all this, I feel. Your vow of chastity. But how can you know life without feeling the blood of another rushing under their skin? Skin the color of milky tea, so smooth and perfect as I spread him open. Pulse racing, with fear, yes, but with a  _ hunger _ I know so well.

  


I have tasted my name on his sweet lips - the name I gave myself reborn - a swear, a prayer, a damnation. Always so sweet. The inflection changes but the blood remains. The  _ need,  _ the lust …

  


He makes me lose control. I could be weak for him, but I will bow to no one. Not when he bows so pretty …

  


And he always bows. His back bows, arching into me, body surrendering even as his lips protest. He stretches out, hands and knees at my feet, ready and open and singing a sweet blood lust under his skin. 

  


It's funny how ‘no’ tastes like ‘yes’ when fighting simply pushes him closer to me. How the words die behind moans and he can't refuse me anymore. He just … the way my name is pounded from his throat. 

  


It is the most delicious sin. 

  


He fights me, though. He pushes and pulls, swears and prays and damns. I have to push him back. 

  


… I pushed too hard. I hurt … he won't look me in the eyes. I need him, need him to  _ see _ , I  _ need _ him. 

  


I have to put him back in his place. On his knees before me. Eyes on mine as his tongue produces rightful venerations. His offering to me, body and soul. 

  


Because you see, I am not in the habit of idolizing. I  _ am _ the idol. 

  


I have become God. 

  


So you see, Father, how I need what you have. 

  


Forgive and forget, yes? You forgive … they forget. 

  


I forgive him for fighting me. I forgive him for forgetting his place. And he - he will be  _ mine _ . Body and soul. 

  


I have come so far, Father. I know you don't understand me. Forgive me, I do not speak Slovak. But it is just as well - I'm not looking to do this the hard way. 

  


Now, now, don't scream, Father. It will all be over soon. You will go back to the arms of your Heavenly Father. And I will go back to the arms of my earthly delight. 

  


My will be done. 

  


Amen. 

  
  
  
  


  


  


  


  


  



End file.
